![]() Boys and Anger: Teaching Boys How to Handle Their Emotions. Boys need to remember one thing most of all when it comes to their feelings (especially anger): they always have a choice for how to respond. Anger Management is a 2003 American slapstick comedy film directed by Peter Segal, written by David S. Dorfman, and starring Adam Sandler, Jack Nicholson, and Marisa. With Adam Sandler, Jack Nicholson, Marisa Tomei, Luis Guzmán. Dave Buznik is a businessman who is wrongly sentenced to an anger-management program, where he meets an. If you have an anger problem it can have a negative impact on all your social relationships. Fortunately, over the years mental health professionals have developed a. So says author and pediatrician Meg Meeker. I hear her loud and clear on this because I have a boy on the cusp of puberty (hello, testosterone)—the entry point to manhood. How To Manage And Control Anger. Anger is valuable because it gives you the energy needed to protect yourself when in danger. But anger is destructive.Boys need to remember one thing most of all when it comes to their feelings (especially anger): they always have a choice for how to respond. My son is almost 4 1/2. He is an intelligent, articulate delightful child about 75% of the time. He does well in preschool (no discipline problems) and also in his. It took me a long time to understand the connection between depression and anger. One psychiatrist I visited would often ask a simple question toward the end of a. Bipolar irritability and anger can damage relationships and hurt you in the workplace. It pays to learn how to prevent and defuse flare-ups in temper. ![]()
Dr Meeker explains that, when boys are still young, they need to learn that while their feelings can be intense, they do not need to be ruled by them. In fact, she says that moms can put it this way to heir sons, “Are you going to allow your feelings to dominate your decisions, or are you going to take charge of them?”Here’s how to teach your son to handle his emotions in a constructive way. Put a name on them. Before your son can deal with his emotions, he needs to identify them. So while it may seem like he’s angry at his father about being late to his ball game, the actual feeling underneath the surface is sadness. Teach him to look beyond the surface emotion to what lies deeper. Green light the feeling. Try not to make your son feel guilty for his emotions. All of those are part of the human experience. Call him to action. Once the feeling is identified and acknowledged, boys must then decide what to do with it. He doesn’t have to over- analyze it, but if he can verbalize it to you, that’s huge. You can then guide him—not to be confused with giving him advice—on how to sort out his feelings through a filter that takes into account his moral beliefs. Put him in charge. Your son needs to know that, ultimately, he is the one in charge of how he reacts to his feelings. If he needs to get out aggression, he can find physical release through exercise, punching a pillow, or even screaming into a pillow. My very wise uncle, who’s also a child psychologist, says we need to teach our children that they are the boss of their feelings. Last week, I was frustrated with a woman employee who failed to meet a deadline on a simple task (not the first time she’s done this) and, while blowing off steam, one of the things I said was that it’s a good thing she is pretty. I did not mean this is in a derogatory way. I was simply frustrated and this woman is not above me in any way; she is entry level. She also did not tell me immediately that I had upset her at all; the next I heard about it was from my manager. I would like to question why formalities were initiated – I feel this was unwarranted for a single, isolated comment and that an apology would have been sufficient. If so, what is the best way to approach it? I don’t know what kind of formalities are being initiated, but I’d strongly suggest that you apologize and demonstrate that you get that this was wildly inappropriate to say. The problem is, though, that it doesn’t sound like you do get that yet. So, look: You made a remark that assessed a coworker’s level of attractiveness (which is creepy), insulted her intelligence (which is belittling), and implied that her looks are among her best qualifications (creepy and belittling). You Just Don’t Talk To People This Way At Work. Now, a single remark doesn’t meet the legal standard for sexual harassment — but it sure as hell raises concerns that you might cause bigger issues in the future. It’s also not really relevant that she’s not above you in the hierarchy. While that would have been its own weird situation (belittling someone with authority over you generally doesn’t go over well), it’s just as problematic without that. In fact, if she’s junior to you, then there are power dynamics in play, and that adds an additional type of creepy into the mix. The best thing you can do now is show that you truly realize that this wasn’t okay and why. Bipolar & Anger: Getting Control Of Irritability & Outburst . It pays to learn how to prevent and defuse flare- ups in temper. By Denise Mann. It starts with a routine annoyance—the living room is a mess again, or another driver cuts you off. Irritation takes hold, then mushrooms as swiftly as a nuclear explosion. Cheeks redden, the pulse quickens, and . Welcome to bipolar rage. For Paul of Las Vegas, an innocuous comment by his wife during dinner could flip his switch.“I would go off,” the 4. So periodically, “for the better part of 2. I would get irate over nothing,” he says. Stress at work would affect his sleep, which would affect his equilibrium. He would keep it together at the office, only to take it out in harsh words at home. His three sons would make themselves scarce. His wife bore the brunt of his verbal attacks before their marriage ended.“It was 1. Paul says. Irritation and anger can be a normal and even healthy response to certain provocations. As with many emotions, however, people with bipolar disorder appear to be more vulnerable to extreme responses.“Everyone can become frustrated or angry, but loss of control can be part and parcel of bipolar disorder rage,” says Jeffrey Borenstein, MD, president and CEO of the Brain & Behavior Research Foundation. Irritable mood is among the primary diagnostic criteria for mania and hypomania, and there’s growing understanding that anger and irritability can be hallmarks of depression as well. Left unchecked, irritability and its downstream cousins, anger and rage, can have dramatic and devastating effects. Family life and friendships suffer. There can be severe repercussions in the workplace and, on occasion, seismic encounters with the justice system. At the least, guilt and regret after an outburst have corrosive emotional consequences.“For five seconds afterward, there is some relief,” Paul admits. That’s where anger management techniques come in, such as counting to 1. It’s also important to learn the triggers that typically set you off and the mental and physical signs of an impending eruption. Paul says that in the past year, he has gotten better at recognizing his warning signs.“I feel my blood pressure start to boil and have to catch it and calm down,” he says. HOSTILE TERRITORYLearning to tease apart appropriate emotional reactions from those associated with a mood shift—in either direction—requires insight developed over time.“It’s important to know if your anger travels with symptoms of mania, such as not needing to sleep, or with the symptoms of depression, such as losing interest in things,” says Elizabeth Brondolo, Ph. D, a psychology professor at St. John’s University in New York City and co- author of Break the Bipolar Cycle: A Day- to- Day Guide to Living with Bipolar Disorder. It’s easy to detect changes when a normally easygoing person starts to get cranky. For people whose temperaments are marked by “hostile personality traits”— impatience, frustration, rudeness (such as interrupting when others are speaking)—there may be a more subtle crescendo. A 2. 01. 2 study involving more than 5. I or II) are more likely to be argumentative, feel hostile toward others, have hot tempers, and act out than those without the disorder, especially during a mood episode. There is also a greater likelihood of anger escalating quickly, resulting in sudden and explosive outbursts. However, there may be underlying differences in disposition between people who feel “snappy” and those who feel “happy” during hypomanic and manic phases. A study in the March 1. Journal of Affective Disorders found that on a temperament scale, the “snappy” group scored as more irritable, more self- focused, and less cooperative. They were also more likely to report higher levels of irritability during depression and to have a comorbid anxiety disorder. Symptoms inherent in bipolar also may feed a propensity to flare up, according to Brondolo. For example, when your mind starts racing, “you are pushing your thoughts forward and may rush to catastrophic or unjust conclusions that can make you angry,” she says. Brondolo recommends tracking various aspects of your feelings and behaviors on a regular basis—although she notes that such self- awareness isn’t easy once your brain starts misfiring. Her checklist starts with the basics: Am I upset about something? If so, what and why? Also consider whether you are feeling anxious, sleeping normally, drinking alcohol, experiencing symptoms of mania or depression, and taking medications as prescribed.“The answers to these questions may motivate you to call your doctor,” she says. If you can head off shifts into mania and depression, “related anger responses will also abate,” points out Norman Sussman, MD, a professor of psychiatry at New York University’s Langone Medical Center.“. That’s where classic advice to take three deep breaths or count to 1. Stepping away may be even better—for both parties in the situation. Kitty, a 3. 7- year- old IT consultant in Toronto, knows she needs some time by herself when she’s feeling roiled. She recalls one occasion when she was feeling “super annoyed” with everything her partner did and said.“In my mind, I heard myself saying something horrendous that would have made her feel awful about herself. I immediately turned around and told her to give me some space,” she explains. Kitty used her “alone time” to review some of the usual suspects.“Did I take my meds? Did I sleep well that night? Did I have a stressful day? When was my next period due . Family therapy can be helpful in promoting discussion about the disorder and related issues, exploring family dynamics and communication patterns, and developing a unified response strategy.“Families can learn about the signs of bipolar anger and work together to devise a plan about what to do to better identify and manage those symptoms when they occur,” Borenstein says.“Families can learn about the signs of bipolar anger and work together to devise a plan . It may be helpful to have an age- appropriate discussion with children about your diagnosis.“Give kids a context so they know that you may be a little more irritable, and so they understand that this is not their fault.”“You can acknowledge that this is a medical condition and instead of having symptoms like rash or a fever, the symptoms of bipolar disorder are behavioral disturbances—like moodiness or exhaustion—that wax and wane,” she says. That’s why developing the skills to have a calm, frank discussion focused on perceived problems, not personalities, matters so much. That conversation isn’t likely to happen once symptomatic irritability or anger take hold, however. Years of experience have taught Anna when to try to talk to her husband and when to simply leave the room.“Sometimes he can’t be reasoned with,” she says of her husband, Jack, a television executive from Connecticut. She’s also grown familiar with the situations that tend to set him off. Although he’s much better at recognizing and defusing his anger these days, she says, she still gets tense when they’re in the car together, especially when there’s traffic.“Bad drivers and rude people can start my clock ticking,” admits Jack, 6. I imagine all sorts of arguments with the . That wasn’t always the case.“I got myself into trouble before,” he admits, recalling one encounter with a fellow customer at a gas station that ended with him in police custody. If he were to find himself facing that same inconsiderate person at that same gas station today, he says, he would walk away and talk himself down.“You have to learn how to control your impulses and know when they are coming,” he says. It’s a process that involves a lot of trial and error, he points out—and the results aren’t guaranteed to work every time. He and his wife are considering moving to a less stressful community to avoid some of his triggers. Other favored strategies when he feels on edge: playing some feel- good music “real loud” and hitting the gym.“I do cardio and listen to music, and usually feel a lot better when I finish my work out,” he says. OUNCE OF PREVENTIONKeeping a journal helped Joyce of Sioux City, Iowa, figure out her typical triggers.“I write down how I am feeling so I can look back and reference other entries to look for common themes,” she says. Journaling helped her identify behaviors to address, such as waiting calmly at traffic lights, being patient with others, and handling comments that irk her “whether aimed at me or not,” she reports. After three decades of living with bipolar, the 6. When she feels her temper heat up, she gets down to her favorite music, including disco tunes like Chic’s 1. Le Freak.”“My therapist told me to put on my favorite music and dance when I am feeling rage. I had to laugh at the suggestion at first, but it works, and the only one who can see me is my cat.”Working out on exercise equipment, getting in the pool, or taking a brisk jog also gives her angry feelings a positive outlet.“Sometimes I have to push myself to do something physical to nip it,” she notes.“Going for a hike or a walk or just changing scenery also helps me let off steam in a healthy way. If you go out and bash the windows of your apartment, you will end you with more problems than when you started.”Preventive stress management helps head off anger and rage. There are many different approaches, and the key is to find one that works for you. Kitty, the Toronto IT consultant, says yoga has really helped her. She’s now helping others learn yoga as a way to cope with their moods through a local foundation. Kitty wishes that she’d had better coping tools earlier in the course of her illness.“I said horrible things to my siblings and parents that hurt them and they remember them till this day,” she says.
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